Webcomic Project

I've started working on a small comic/sequential project with my screenwriter friend, Aaron de Orive. Here is the first page of pencils. I'm trying to stick to a regular schedule with these but I'm noting my mistakes so that I can come back to this page if time allows for tweaks and fixes.

Page 1 pencils:

It's always beneficial to get another pair of eyes on your work so, I've shown this to a couple friends and got some feedback as well as had my own gripes about the choices I made. Here are my notes thus far.

Page 1 Crit:

1.) This panel is flat and boring. Change the angle to draw the eye in and guide it to the next panel. The pose of the dude looking at his watch is incredibly stiff. Losen him up and make him feel more natural

2.) Somehow the figure got out of rotation. Remember to put him in shadow since he's running away from the light source. Maybe enhance some foreground elements to add some depth to the panel.

3.) Tangent. Not a huge offender though.

4.) WONKY POSE. Consider taking some photos to speed up unfamiliar/difficult poses if time is not a luxury.

5.) Add some foreground elements to add depth to this panel.

It's been a loooong time since I've tackled sequential work, so it's great to get my hands dirty again. I'm going to keep posting pages as I finish them, warts and all.